I sincerely wish I could say that I had more legitimate issues to worry about but…. I don’t. I mean, besides feeling super broke as any college student should, I don’t have real world, big people problems. My husband hasn’t left me, no body beats me, I don’t live on the streets, and I’m not a struggling teen mother. For whatever reason though, I waste my time and these tiny problems that won’t matter a year from today. I continuously try to figure people out when I know that it is impossible. I’ll never know why I can’t shake my feelings from a certain person despite all of the issues and confusion it has caused. I’ll never know why I didn’t get what I wanted at that time… I’ll never understand why things like that never seem to go my way and I’ll bitch about it until I tire myself out. (Which takes some time, mind you…) Human beings are so complicated, with their every thought and every emotion and every spoken word or unspoken word. One person can mean one thing, while the other takes it as something TOTALLY different. I just want to find an island where I can run to and forget that I have such frivolous worries…. I wish I could stop this ridiculous idea of a storybook romance becoming a reality. But ever since I was a child, I’ve always wanted these stories in my life. Beautiful tales that I could tell my children someday…. but try as I may, I don’t have these wonderful stories. I just have experiences, some good, some bad. How do I stop thinking about everything the way that I do? How do I just…. live?
It’s a little odd when someone asks you to leave, even in the nicest way, from their home because you can’t…. satisfy them. But then, they decide to tell you about how their mother is coming into to with as little subtlety as possible. But you’re so offended about not getting what you want that you don’t even pay attention and then they become offended because you’re not listening. So then you think the initial problem is that you can’t put out so they’re telling you to leave because you’re of no use. Only then, you aren’t sure if you’re the asshole because you’re misinterpreting the situation and being rude, or if they’re the asshole because they stop all of the action and then ask you to leave. And somehow, after, you end up rambling on and on about how strange the occurrence and what to make of it until you start coming up with all these different theories about what went wrong or why it happened. And yet, you come up with nothing feasible. I’m not even sure if it makes sense to me and I was there…. Weird, huh? And the entire issue with “mother being in town” has nothing to do with anything so that throws you off even more and your left with too many question and zero answers. Why would anyone mention their mother being in town after all of that? It just seems more odd the longer I think about it, so I chose to write it and leave it here. Crumple it into a ball, place it in a little box, lock it, and put it away.
Why do people say things if they don’t mean them? Why do people lie and cheat and hurt other people?
Why is it that there’s this never ending cycle where a bitch hurts a guy and so he becomes a heartless asshole and then he hurts a nice girl so she becomes a bitch and the cycle continues?
Why do people get caught up in that?
I have all these questions and no answers. I suppose I just don’t understand how my generation works. Or maybe I’m nothing like them so I feel like an alien who has feelings and doesn’t say things without meaning them.